the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
