just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
