your room smells of hookers.
And success
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
