Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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