Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I want to make a zoo with you.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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