There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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