i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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