Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
