he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
