She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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