Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
