Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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