Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
