The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
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there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night