So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress