i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
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Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
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Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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