what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
