Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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