Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
