This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
