If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
