i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
