I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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