I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
