Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I am naked and annoyed.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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