Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
