i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize