I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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