Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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