I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
