The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
