2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
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I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
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The entire state will know me by my boobs.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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