I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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