I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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