I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
