I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
