I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
