you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
