New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
