I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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