you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
