I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a waste of cheezeits
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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