youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
