I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
