so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
