why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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