her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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