you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
