somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
