my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
