I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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