And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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