as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
