I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
