Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
