She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
