i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
True college students do jello shots in the library
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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