oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
