No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
