I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
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I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
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So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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