You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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