Umm I'm too high to move.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
