Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
