Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
