I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
