Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
