Are we in a gay sports bar?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
