we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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