You're my little dorito
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
