HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
