is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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